Celebrity Big Brother

CBB features a roster of the usual eye-botherers (Calum Best, Alicia Duvall etc, I feel like they’ve been on this show before?), the addled, the desperate, the lost and Keith Chegwin. They introduced themselves in self-consciously sweary VTs at the launch on Wednesday. Kavana?! Kavana?!!

It sure ain’t pretty (Katie Hopkins without make up anyone?) but it does what it says on the tin (except for the celebrity part) in that it provides the usual dark motivations for watching – mainly to see who will unravel first. Answer: Hoff’s onscreen son, Jeremy Jackson. Well, that was quick. I was terrified by his VT on Wednesday, then amused as he entered the house, now I’m back to being terrified.

Tonight’s episode had many curiosities…

Ken Morley was first in the hot tub, groaning and rubbing himself. Lay-deez, form an orderly queue.

There were spats over bright yellow wee and trainers. Of course.

Cami-Li is a bit nuts no? She licked Calum’s foot. Eww.

Perez and Kavana talking about the Spice Girls movie. Kavana; “I was in that.” Perez: “Really?!” “Well my picture was.” “Oh.”

Katie Hopkins’ roaming accent, in turns Mockney, posh and trans-Atlantic.

And who would have thought that Alicia Duvall would seem to be the most normal and nicest one? Blimey.

I found the face to face nominations a bit awkward to watch and a bit too far. Though kudos to Alexander for his bluntness to Perez: “You’re a control freak and gotta be in everything.” He’s not wrong. It’s grotesque as always, but I’ll probably watch until I get a life.

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