Enders: Dial M for Implausible Murder

`Enders has a killer storyline and it wants to trumpet about it. Shame that the advert with all the suspects in Lucy Beale’s murder was a lot more compelling than the actual soap. I caught it yesterday with Lucy at the tail end of a wild downward spiral that sees her meet a grisly demise in a forest. She’s not in her bed. She’s in the restaurant with soldier boy, where they have cheesecake for breakfast. (Cheesecake? For breakfast? Before the watershed?! That’s it she’s gotta go, I’ve never heard of such deviancy.) Ian’s found a baggie of coke, ‘Enders shorthand for completely off the rails. Ian’s said some improbably damning things to Lucy about twin Peter, while he lurks behind a door only to emerge shooting wounded looks to the guilty parties (Suspect #1). Max is angry about Lucy sleeping with someone else and she wants to end their passionate (er) and dangerous (erm…they’re both single adults. Luaren might be quite upset) affair and says some mean things (Suspect #2). Poor Whitney has bounced into The Vic in her glad rags only to find she’s been usurped by Lucy in soldier boy’s affections (suspect #3?). The whole episode was so full of glaring and clanging exposition that a klaxon might as well have gone off each time the scriptwriters marked out a possible suspect.

It all felt a bit lacklustre frankly. I think it’s partly to do with Hetti Bywater, who played Lucy, who is just too skinny to be believable as a temptress. I personally don’t think actresses that skinny should be hired, she’s clearly got a problem. She’s also too stage school, hockey sticks-y to put in a believable unravelling. Saying “I’m a mess” over and over again while flouncing about with a prefect chignon does not make you a mess. Undoubtedly, ‘Endrs will do what it always does when it does a murder storyline – get more exited about by it than any of the viewers and drag it out far beyond what its flimsy premise can handle.


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