A story that caught my eye this week was a teacher who received £230,000 compensation for slipping on a ketchup packet. The only thing I can say about this is that it is the opposite of Darwinism. To avoid this happening, look down. What hope do the children of Essex have if they are being taught by someone who can’t avoid a mishap on an errant sauce packet? If I slipped on a ketchup packet, I’d be embarrassed – I wouldn’t have the gall to ask for compensation years later, a few days before the deadline, which would take money away from education. This incident was part of a story about Essex County Council giving away £1 million in compensation to hapless teachers, including one who slipped on the same wet floor twice in one day. I’ll say it again, just look down. If you’ve slipped on one wet floor that day, don’t walk on it again. Simples. Sometimes shit just happens and there’s no one to blame (except maybe yourself). I think you can only blame someone else if the accident was absolutely unavoidable. There is nothing unavoidable about a ketchup packet, it is tiny in comparison to a school corridor, there were plenty of other places he could have walked. (I don’t know why I assume said teacher is male as I don’t think the sex was specified, but I just do. Sorry.)
Now excuse me while I go on the hunt for a discarded banana skin so I can sue Archway Council.